The Clingy Toddler: 5 Gentle Parenting Strategies to Encourage Independence

Today is the second part of our series about the Clingy Toddler phase. This is from a listener’s question – “My toddler is super clingy. He cries insanely when I go to the restroom, sleeps beside me at night, and I’m with him all day. But soon, I’ll need to leave him with a babysitter for the day. Will it trigger his anxiety? Will it leave a negative impact on his development and mental health?” 

In this blog post, I share 5 gentle parenting strategies to help you navigate the clingy toddler phase – and #5 is my favorite.

Navigating the Clingy Toddler Phase with Gentle Parenting Strategies

Welcome back to our deep dive into the clingy toddler phase. If you haven’t already, be sure to listen to the previous episode – The Clingy Toddler: Is it Normal, and When to Worry. We’ve covered what this phase entails, why it happens, and how to recognize when clinginess might be pointing to something more. 

Today, I’m excited to share with you five gentle parenting strategies that will help you navigate this phase with empathy, understanding, and gentleness – so that you won’t need to have it affect your child’s mental health or trigger anxiety. When I talk about tip #2, I’ll share an aspect that I haven’t seen anyone else talk about. And stick around for #5, because it’s my personal favorite.

Strategy #1: Have a routine.

First up, establish predictable routines. Routines provide a sense of security and predictability for toddlers, making separations less daunting. A simple morning goodbye ritual, for example, can set a comforting tone for the day. This doesn’t have to be elaborate; even a special handshake or a goodbye song can make a world of difference. We have the perfect resource to help you with this. Head over to discerningparenting.com/toolkit – and get our FREE parenting toolkit, which includes a guide to creating a routine for young kids. You’ll also have visuals that will help you communicate the routine even to young toddlers.

Strategy #2: Acknowledge your child’s feelings.

Acknowledging your child’s fear or anxiety about being apart is important. Simple statements like, “I see you’re really sad that I’m leaving. It’s okay to feel that way. I will miss you too, but I’ll be back after lunch,” helps them understand that their feelings are normal and respected. 

Recognize that each child is different. What one child finds enjoyable may be stressful to another. Some kids adjust easily to new situations. Others need more time to get used to new people. Some kids seem to forget their parents the moment they see other kids at a playground, while others will cling to their parents even when encouraged to play.

Here’s the aspect that I haven’t seen anyone else acknowledge or talk about – Other people around you may belittle or shame your child, so you will be your child’s advocate. This is something we here at Discerning Parenting acknowledge. We don’t parent in a vacuum, with just parent and child. We are influenced by the rest of our family and others around us. For more on this, head over to discerningparenting.com/books. If you’re struggling with practicing gentle parenting because it seems like you’re the only one trying to do so, maybe you’re acknowledging your child’s feelings but others around are saying you’re just spoiling your child, our book, The Discerning Parent’s Guide to Toddler Behavior, is written especially for you – the parent who’s practicing positive parenting in a negative world.

Strategy #3: Do it gradually.

The third strategy is to do it gradually. Start with short periods away from them and then slowly increase the time. It could begin with a quick trip to another room, then stepping out to the backyard, and eventually, leaving the house for short errands. This method helps build their confidence in their ability to be without you and reassures them that you will always come back.

In doing this, you slowly get your child used to the idea of being apart from you. Start with short separations in a familiar environment and gradually increase the distance and duration. This might mean playing in their room while you’re in another part of the house and then progressing to playdates or preschool.

Before the day you need to be out for an extended period, arrange a few sessions with the babysitter. This way, your child can get used to the new caregiver while you’re still around, making the transition smoother for everyone involved.

Strategy #4: Find the right caregiver.

I know this is easier said than done, but it’s important to find the right caregiver for when you’re not around, and for the person to be trustworthy and consistent. Having a familiar, trusted adult caring for them in your absence can significantly reduce anxiety. If possible, involve this caregiver in your child’s routine before any planned separation to build a comfortable and trusting relationship. Share with them our free parenting toolkit so they’re on board with how you want to parent your child. The free toolkit includes activities not just for you and your child, but that the caregiver can also do with your child. 

And now, for my personal favorite, Strategy #5: Special Connection Object

Lastly, provide a special connection object. This could be a small token, like a scarf with your scent on it, a family photo, or a special toy that represents the connection between you and your child. This object serves as a tangible reminder of your relationship and love, offering them comfort and reassurance when you’re apart.

Conclusion

Each of these strategies can be tailored to fit your child’s unique needs and your family’s situation. It’s all about nurturing a secure, loving relationship, even in the face of challenges like the clingy toddler phase.

Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate clinginess overnight but to navigate this phase with empathy, understanding, and patience. By employing these gentle strategies, we’re not just easing the separation anxiety but also fostering our children’s emotional growth and resilience.

That wraps up today’s episode on gentle parenting strategies for the clingy toddler phase. Which one is your favorite? I’d love to know!

Send me an email at hello@discerningparenting.com, and sign up for your free parenting toolkit at discerningparenting.com/toolkit. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and every little step you take is making a big difference in your child’s world.

Thank you for tuning in to “Discerning Parenting.” Until next time, keep loving, keep gentle, and keep forging those unbreakable bonds.