Helping Your Child Get Along with Other Kids in School

As parents, we all want our children to thrive socially, but not every child finds it easy to make friends. Some kids are naturally outgoing, while others may be more reserved or shy, and that’s perfectly okay. What’s important to remember is that getting along with others is a skill—a skill that can be learned, practiced, and refined over time. As parents, we have the power to support our children in developing these crucial social skills, ensuring their school experience is both joyful and fulfilling.

In this blog post, inspired by a recent episode of the Discerning Parenting podcast, we’ll delve into expert advice from Teacher Roxanne Sevilla, an experienced preschool and learning support teacher. She shares valuable insights into preschoolers’ common social challenges and offers practical strategies that parents can use at home to help their children build and maintain friendships.

1. Can you share some common social challenges preschoolers face when interacting with their peers?

Preschoolers often face several common social challenges when interacting with their peers. These include:

Sharing and Taking Turns:

Young children may struggle with the concept of sharing toys or taking turns, which can lead to conflicts. I remember when two students, Mia and Jed (not their real names), wanted to play with the same toy truck. Neither wanted to give in, and it turned into a tug-of-war. This is a typical scenario in preschool, where sharing can be challenging to grasp.

Communication Skills: 

Some children may have difficulty expressing themselves verbally, leading to misunderstandings. Another student, Leo, was very shy and had trouble expressing himself. He often played alone because he found it challenging to join group activities.

Empathy and Understanding Emotions:

Understanding and responding to their own emotions and those of others can be challenging for preschoolers. As parents, you can also discuss with your child what “empathy” is. There was a time in my class when Sarah accidentally knocked over Oliver’s block tower. Oliver was upset, but Sarah didn’t understand why. This highlighted the challenge of understanding and responding to others’ emotions. 

Handling Rejection:

Rejection or exclusion from peer groups can be particularly tough for young children to handle. I recall when Emily felt left out because her friends didn’t want to play the game she suggested. It was her first experience with rejection, and it was quite hard for her.

Developing Social Cues:

At this age, recognition and interpretation of social cues, such as body language and facial expressions, are still developing. During storytime, Max often interrupted others because he hadn’t yet learned to read the social cue of waiting for his turn to speak.

These are some of the social challenges I’ve observed, that I find the most common amongst preschool children. 

 2. How can parents help their children develop the skills needed to make and maintain friendships at school?

Parents can play a crucial role in helping their children develop social skills by:

Modeling Positive Social Behavior:

Demonstrate good social interactions in your relationships. Children learn a lot by observing their parents. One parent I know would consistently demonstrate kindness and respect during their interactions. This parent would narrate their actions, like saying, “I’m sharing my pen with Aunite so and so because sharing is caring,” which helped their child understand positive social behaviors.

Encouraging Playdates:

Arrange playdates with other children to give your child opportunities to practice social skills in a more controlled environment. A parent of a particularly shy child, Lily, arranged regular playdates with a close friend’s child. Over time, Lily became more comfortable interacting with others.

Teaching Empathy:

Talk to your child about emotions and how others might feel in different situations. Use storybooks and role-playing to illustrate these concepts. A parent once used puppets to show different emotions and situations. This creative approach helped their child, Sam, understand how to empathize with others. We may talk to them about their emotions, by teaching them that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, etc., and at the same time, teaching them how to respond to it. 

Building Communication Skills:

Encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Practice active listening and teach them simple phrases to use in social interactions. One family had a “talk time” every evening where each member shared something about their day. This routine helped their son, David, improve his communication skills.

Promoting Problem-Solving:

Guide your child in resolving conflicts and finding solutions to social problems they encounter. I saw a parent guide their children through conflicts by asking questions like, “How do you think your sister feels right now?” and “What can we do to make things better?” these may be simple questions but it will allow the children to activate their thinking skills and understanding. 

3. What are some practical steps parents can take at home to encourage positive social behaviors?

At home, parents can encourage positive social behaviors by:

Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment:

Ensure your child feels safe and supported at home, which builds their confidence to interact with others. One child, Emma, thrived because her parents created a loving home environment where she felt valued and confident. 

Role-Playing Social Scenarios:

Practice common social situations with your child through role-playing to help them navigate real-life interactions. A parent once shared that they played “pretend school” with their child, Alex. They took turns being the teacher and the student, which helped Alex practice his social interactions.

Setting Clear Expectations:

Establish and consistently reinforce rules about kindness, sharing, and respect for others. A family established rules about kindness and respect to reinforce these behaviors. Their son, Ben, responded well to this structure, even bringing these values outside their home and into school.

Praising Positive Behavior:

Reinforce positive social interactions with praise and encouragement. Whenever Lily showed kindness, her parents made a big deal, saying phrases like, “I’m so proud of you for sharing your toys with your friend.” 

 By consistently praising their positive behaviors will help your children learn that these are important values that they should practice often. 

Reading Social Stories: 

Use books focusing on social skills and friendships to spark discussions and learning. I know a parent who read books about friendship with their daughter, Zoe and discussed the characters’ actions and feelings, which helped Zoe understand and emulate positive social behaviors. In line with this, I have a good book series that I read to my students, it’s the “When My Friend…” series by author Robyn Rodriguez. It’s a book series that explains very well how a child can process and understand their emotions in a given social scenario. 

4. How do you handle conflicts between children in the classroom, and what can parents do to reinforce those strategies at home?

In the classroom, I handle conflicts by:

Mediating Disputes:

Helping children articulate their feelings and guiding them to find mutually agreeable solutions. I once helped two students, Jack and Emily, resolve a disagreement over a puzzle. I asked each of them to express their feelings and then guided them in finding a solution that worked for both of them.

Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills:

I encouraged children to use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel sad when… “) and listen to each other’s perspectives. For example, when Mia said, “I feel sad when you take my toy,” it opened a dialogue.

Promoting Empathy:

Helping children understand and empathize with their peers’ feelings. After Sarah knocked over Oliver’s blocks, I asked her how she would feel if it happened to her. This helped her understand Oliver’s feelings better and this allowed them to be reconciled and be playmates again.

Implementing a Calm-Down Space:

Providing a designated area for children to cool off when they are upset. In my classroom before, we have a “special chair” or a “calm down space” where children can go to collect themselves. I had a student before who had a heated argument over a game, He used that special chair and returned much calmer and ready to talk things out with his teachers and friends.

At home, parents can reinforce these strategies by:

Practicing Conflict Resolution:

Use the same conflict resolution techniques at home that are used in the classroom. Parents can use role-play to practice conflict resolution at home. For instance, a parent helped their children practice using “I” statements during a sibling dispute over a toy.

Encouraging Open Communication:

Foster an environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their feelings and conflicts. A family had a “feelings chart” where their children could place a magnet to show how they were feeling, promoting open discussions about emotions.

Modeling Empathy:

Show empathy in your interactions with others and encourage your child to do the same. One parent shared a story about showing empathy to a neighbor in need and discussing it with their child to teach the value of understanding and helping others–in big or even small ways they could.

5. What advice do you have for parents whose children are naturally introverted or have difficulty opening up to others?

For introverted children or those who find it challenging to open up:

Respect Their Temperament:

Understand and respect your child’s natural disposition. Avoid pushing them into social situations they’re uncomfortable with. I knew a parent who respected their child’s need for alone time, which helped the child feel understood and less pressured.

Gradual Exposure:

Introduce social interactions gradually, starting with smaller, more familiar groups before moving to larger ones. A parent helped their introverted child, Anna, by gradually introducing her to social situations, starting with small family gatherings before moving to more significant larger events.

Encouraging Hobbies:

Help your child find hobbies or activities they enjoy. This can be a great way for them to meet like-minded peers. One child, Noah, found it easier to make friends through his interest in music. His parents encouraged this hobby, which led to him joining a class and making friends with similar interests.

Creating Safe Spaces:

Provide opportunities for your child to socialize in environments where they feel safe and secure. Another family created a “safe space” in their home where their child, James, could retreat when feeling overwhelmed by social interactions.

Building Confidence: 

Encourage and praise your child’s social efforts, no matter how small, to build their confidence. A parent praised their child, Lucy, for small social successes, like saying hello to a new classmate, which gradually built her confidence.

6. Any other tips?

As parents and those handling and teaching young children, 

Be Patient

Remember that developing social skills is a gradual process. Be patient and provide consistent support and encouragement. 

Stay Involved

Stay involved in your child’s social life by talking with their teachers and other parents to understand their social dynamics. 

Teach Resilience

Help your child develop resilience by teaching them to cope with setbacks and disappointments in social interactions. 

Encourage Diversity

Encourage your child to interact with a diverse group of peers to build a broader range of social skills and understanding. 

Celebrate the small victories! 

Every step your child takes towards building social skills is worth celebrating, no matter how small it may seem. Whether it’s sharing a toy, saying hello to a new friend, or resolving a conflict, these moments are milestones in their social development journey. 

Intentionally and fervently pray for your child

Prayer is a powerful tool that provides comfort, guidance, and strength for you and your child. By praying for your child’s social interactions, emotional well-being, and overall development, you entrust their growth to GOD and reinforce your love and support. 

Train up a child in the way he should go;  even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 

Remember, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s filled with ups and downs, but your love, patience, and guidance make all the difference. Trust in the process and know that you are doing an amazing job. Each child is unique, and they will find their way in their own time.

Keep providing them with a safe and supportive environment, model positive social behaviors, and encourage them to be kind and empathetic. Most importantly, be patient with them and with yourself. 

You’re not alone on this journey. Reach out to other parents, teachers, and resources for support when needed. Together, we can help our children thrive socially and emotionally. 

About our Guest:

Teacher Roxanne Veronica Sevilla is a committed educator with nine years of experience as a preschool teacher and now works as a learning support teacher at MGC New Life Christian Academy. She co-founded The Nook Learning and Play Hub, offering play-based learning for young children and a SPED playgroup for social skills development. A strong advocate for home-school partnerships and integrating biblical principles in teaching, Roxanne holds a degree in Special Education from Trinity University of Asia, where she was recently honored as an outstanding alumna. She is currently pursuing her master’s in Special Education at De La Salle University.

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Check out previous posts with Teacher Roxanne:

• Preparing Your Child for Nursery and Kindergarten: Essential Tips and Insights
• How to Effectively Communicate with Your Child’s Teacher